


KENDALL

by MichelleO



Category: Big Time Rush, heffron drive - Fandom, kendall schmidt - Fandom
Genre: Friendship, Gay, Humor, Love, Other, Romance, Sexual Humor, life - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 02:42:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2835158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichelleO/pseuds/MichelleO
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kendall Schmidt has a big secret...</p>
            </blockquote>





	KENDALL

Kendall’s POV:

I’ve always thought of myself different from everybody else. Hell, doesn’t everyone? Except, my difference may not relate to every person out there, cause lately, I haven’t felt like my normal self, it’s hard to explain. I’m just so confused and don’t know what to do. I wish it would get easier to deal with this change. These days I feel like I’m starting to lose myself very quickly & not sure who I really am anymore…

My alarm clock goes off at the usual 6am wake up call for Avon Dale’s High School in Auburn hills, Michigan. I slam my hand down on the snooze button & then I wait in my bed for a couple lazy minutes. I wake up the earliest in my house because I just like to feel more awake and ready before school. I walk by my brothers’ room & hear him snoring and some gibberish, like he does all the time.  
I eat a quick breakfast and head out in my Dad’s hand–me- down jeep. My dad passed away a couple years ago from a Cancer that just wouldn’t let him be—and so that was definitely a hard time for my family and I. He always supported me in everything I did and what I was passionate about. He was definitely one of my heroes, and still is.

But let’s move on from the sad stuff and onto the school subject. I don’t live far from my school and my friends and I usually like to meet up outside the front of the school before our classes start. I wouldn’t say I have a lot of friends, only two really close ones, and there’s other people I think as my close acquaintances or possible enemies. 

One of my best friends is Ariana; we’ve been friends for about five years now. That girl would do anything for me, and I’d return the favor just as easily. She’s a tough cookie & can be a tomboy when she wants to. I tease her a lot about it, but then she jokes that I’m more girly than she is & we just laugh it off. I’ve recently been feeling uncomfortable after we make those certain jokes towards each other, which usually never happens, cause it’s just playful banter; nothing to worry about…right?   
My other best friend is Logan; I’ve known him since the 4th grade, and we’ve always been close like brothers. He aims for high grades in school and always stays on his best behavior. It’s mostly because his parents want him to be that way, so you gotta feel kinda bad for the kid trying to live up to their standards all the time…but he can do it, and has been. Whenever we’re together, trouble isn’t far, and we can usually talk about anything with each other.

I finally arrive at my school & see my friends hanging out in the front of the school waiting for me. We greet each other & head inside. We walk to my locker and I grab some text books for certain classes.

Logan: *taps my arm* Hey man, did you do the Chem. Homework?

Me: Mr. A-plus have an off night?

L: Oh come on, man. My sister needed help with her own homework, and so I got a little carried away and had nooo time to finish mine! Like at all 

Me: OKAY, okay, I believe you *I give him a smirk*

L: *shakes his head at me*

Ariana: *widens her eyes* Wait, we had Chem. homework?

Me: Damn girl you not awake yet?

A: Hey, this is no time for sass.

Me: *I chuckle at her* But about that Chem. Homework…I think I purposely didn’t do it

A: Ya think or ya know?

Me: *I slam my locker shut* I knooow 

L: Typical Kendall

Me: You knowz it 

*The bell rings for first period class*

Me: Damn that bell. I guess I’ll see you guys later

A: Maybe

Me: Love you

A: *shrugs* Love you too

L: Peace bro

Me: Lata!

I rush into my English classroom & find my desk. Mr. Hayes—my teacher—gives me a side eye and continues speaking to the class. All this month we’ve been reading the play: “Romeo & Juliet.” Mr. H. likes to give us parts to read out loud to the class. He gave me the part of Juliet, which I try oh –so- hard not to be offended by. Another boy in our class, Drew—who sits in the desk in front of me—got Romeo’s role. We’ve read a couple of pages so far, and I catch myself staring at his lips whenever he reads his lines. They’re so small and pretty; I can’t help admiring them for some reason. I could barley hear him speaking, because I somehow managed to drown out all the other sounds around me as I shifted my eyes up to his eyes; they’re a nice dark brown color to compliment his brown hair—wait, what am I doing—?

Mr. Hayes: Mr. Schmidt?

Me: *I look up at my teacher a little startled* Uhhh yes?

Mr. Hayes: It’s your turn to read

Me: UUUUH… *I look down at the book in my hand* Which page are we on…?

Mr. Hayes: *sighs*

Drew: Page twenty, buddy *gives me a small smile*

Me: Right, thanks *I put my hand to my head in embarrassment*

 

Page twenty…weren’t we on page eleven when we started, how long was I zoning out? I finally flip to page twenty and begin reading. After class ends, I start to wonder why I keep thinking about Drew in that way all the time. I’ve been doing it a lot lately, not just with Drew, but with other guys. Why do I keep doing this? It’s gotta stop. Maybe I should talk to someone about it—no cause then they’d know that I’m having these strange feelings and confusion, and no one wants to deal with any of that. UGH. 

After last period I walked to my locker & prepared myself for what was to come next. 

Almost everyday around the same time, I get harassed by my bully— Alex Frost—a.k.a. the biggest jerk-off in our grade and possibly the whole school. I never know what to say or do with this crappy situation. Before I can grab something out of my locker I get shoved to the right and get my back slammed into a bunch of lockers. This hazing all started last year, after I decided to go out with a girl that he apparently “had the hots” for, and since then, he’s held it against me. He likes to bully other kids—but I’ve been his main target lately. Sometimes I feel like he won’t stop harassing me until the day I die; which scares me. I feel Alex’s stupid rapid breath in my ear full of excitement to torment me.

Alex: Hey BITCH *looks at everyone & points at me* He’s my bitch. Where ya headed, bitch?

Me: Well, I was—

Alex: *screams* NOWHERE? That’s what I thought! *looks over at his “friends” and they all laugh along with him. They high-five each other*

While still having my back against the lockers I glare at him with a look of fear and exhaustion; I close my eyes and try to find my happy place. Sometimes I wonder how people can be so cruel, and what made them that way. Alex stops laughing, which means his friends automatically stopped too. He pretends to give me a punch. I flinch and they call me a pussy. Alex looks into my eyes, intensely.

Alex: I’ll let you off this time, pretty boy

Oh please, it’s not like I ever “get a day off” from his bullshit. He slaps my cheek playfully and walks away with his posse. I breathe heavily while people walk by in the hall & stare at me with wide eyes. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’m not some tough guy who gets into fights, but I know that’s what he wants. I see Logan and Ariana walk over like they do almost everyday. They’ve sometimes witnessed Alex tormenting me, but have no idea it happens everyday. I rub my cheek where he slapped me & walk back to my locker.

 

L: Hey man! Are you alright?

Me: Yeah, I’m just great 

A: *raises an eyebrow* Ken…

L: Don’t tell me that asshole bugged you again?

Me: He didn’t

A: *tilts her head* Then what’s up with your face?

Me: *I turn around & smile a little* Well that’s not a very nice thing to say to someone, R

A: *puts her hand on my shoulder* Kendall, I’m serious *points at my cheek with her other hand*

L: *gets a closer look at my cheek* Whoa dude…

A: Ken, you should really tell someone—

Me: You guys, it’s not a big deal, really. I can handle it

L: Are you sure? Cause that doesn’t look so good *points at my cheek*

Me: I’m for sure, sure *I turn around back to my locker & pull out my history book for my homework tonight*

A: Listen, one day it might get real dangerous, and if you don’t tell someone—it’s just…I’m worried, okay? And I care about you, Ken

Me: *I rolls my eyes annoyed at her*

L: *points at Ariana* She speaks the truth, bud

Me: Listen, I got this. I can deal with it. This isn’t like when we were little, and would run to our “mommy” and expect everything to be fine. *I slam my locker shut So there. *I walk away from them feeling heated*

L: Well that went well

A: *sighs*

It’s nighttime and I sit on my bed playing my guitar trying to write a new song that I’ve been struggling to compos for what feels like forever. My mom peaks her head into my room…

Mom: I’m heading to bed, hon.

Me: Alright, love you

Mom: *smiles* Love you too, sweetie. Don’t stay up too late

Me: Yeah, yeah, yeah *I smile at her*

Mom: *laughs & shakes her head while walking to her bedroom*

I’ve been playing guitar for a while now. It helps me get through my hard times or to relieve stress; especially 5 years ago when Dad passed away in a car accident. That was a dark period for my family. Sometimes I feel like we’re a broken family because of the loss. There’s something missing and it’ll always and forever be my Dad. When the funeral came around I wrote a song about him and sung it in front of everyone with my guitar. It was a very emotional day for everyone.

These days my mom is dating this guy “Rick.” He’s okay, but I feel like we can never connect; same with my older brother, Kevin. Rick seems to ask me about the same thing, like, “How’s school? Doing any sports YET? You like to hike, because I really do?” Does he even listen to what my brother and I tell him? For one, I don’t do sports, my brother does, and two, school’s school! He should know a little something by now you’d think. After all, he & my mom have been going out for a little over a year now. I strum a few chords on the guitar out of frustration. 

Kevin: Sounds good lil bro *pops his head into my room*

Me: It’s not exactly finished…

Kev: Psh whatever, man. It sounded good *gives me a thumbs-up & walks to his room*

Next morning: 

I wake up in my bed thinking that this senior year so far hasn’t been anything special. Nothing exciting has happened yet, and school’s over for good in a few months. The Valentine’s Carnival is this Friday, so maybe that’ll “liven” things up. I’ve been thinking of asking someone—anyone at this point. I haven’t been on a real date in a long, long time. Maybe Logan and I should double date. Not each other…you know, with other people. Since my last real date or serious girlfriend was sophomore year, I seem to be the only one dateless. I wouldn’t say that I’m hideous or that I’m some ‘Orlando Bloom.’ I just am who I am. But anyways, I just always seem to find the wrong girl. Every time my date thinks everything’s going well, I can’t help but to think otherwise. It’s a mystery to me as to why this still happens. But maybe things have changed since sophomore year—the change is now just more noticeable.

Kevin: *pops his head into my room* Hey bro wakey, wakey!

Me: AH! *he startles me & I throw a pillow at him* Since when are you awake at this time? *I sit up & squint at him*

Kev: *excited* I dunno! I kinda just…woke up! *holds his arms out feeling proud*

Me: Ya, I see that *I give him an un-amused look*

Kev: Ooo, you’re sassy in the early mornin’ *gives me a smug look & walks away*

Me: *I roll my eyes then yell at him* You know, I’d throw another pillow at you but I ran out of ammo! *I shake my head at him & get ready for school*

At School…

Logan and I were waiting outside Ariana’s classroom while she talked to a teacher before class started. I didn’t want to waste anymore time so I had to mention finding dates for the Carnival…

Me: *I stuttered for a second before speaking* H-h-hey Loge, you think we could somehow double date Friday for the carnival?

L: Yeah sure man, just tell me what I should wear *nudges my shoulder & laughs*

Me: Aha, that’s hilarious *I give him an annoyed look* But I’m serious here. I haven’t had a date since—

L: The Stone Age? *gives me a teasing look* 

Me: *I point at him* Hey. It hasn’t really been THAT…long *I chuckle then get serious* Has it?

A: *walks up to us* What’cha talkin’ bout!?

L: The last time K-dog’s had a date

A: So like the Stone Age?

Me: Ar??

A: Sorry, had to eavesdrop just a little 

Me: *I roll my eyes* ANYWAYS.The moral of the story here…is that we need to find dates for the Carnival, Friday

A: Samezies. Maybe we can TRIPLE date, huh? *points at us all excitedly* 

Me: That sounds awful

A: Hey, I’m not that bad once you get to know me *nudges my shoulder*

Me: *I try to be angry, but can’t but to smile at her*

*The bell rings for first period class, finally*

L: *puts his hand on Ari’s shoulder* Got anything better?

A: *shrugs* I got nada 

Me: We can talk about it later *I start to walk away to class*

L: Don’t worry, we’ll find you a date, lover boy!

Me: Very funny! *I yell over my shoulder*

In English, “Romeo & Juliet,” are getting on my last damn nerve; ALSO, the fact that I’m still playing Juliet’s part?! All I can do is shake my head at Mr. Hayes, feeling like this is some type of revenge for all the times I haven’t paid attention in his class. And Drew has remained as Romeo; which isn’t helping with my concentration at all in any way…not that Mr. H. knows that; or anybody. I don’t even know why I think these things—oh god Drew’s looking at me. This is awkward. I’ll just pretend to be really fascinated with this page and stick my face in the book.

Later during class, when we have silent reading time, I decide to scope the room for one possible “candidate” to be my date Friday. There’s this cute girl, Mandy, with long brunette hair and she likes to smile; a lot I might add. Maybe she could be my date…okay she really won’t stop smiling; onto the next one. Jeeze, nobody looks really appealing at the moment—since we are all practically on the verge of death from sheer boredom. Maybe second period will be a much livelier bunch. I never thought looking for a date could be this challenging. 

Throughout the day I see lots of the girls with their arms draped around their boyfriend, and their girlfriends—or just look like they try too hard to get attention. Sometimes I feel like there’s really no one out there for me. It’s a real scary thought. I get tired of looking so I lean against the lockers & look to my left, seeing Drew walking toward my direction. He smiles, maybe not at me, but I couldn’t help feeling a little weak kneed when he came closer. Actually this feeling I get, seems to happen a lot around him—or just any guy; but girls? It’s different. But back to Drew; he’s captain of his soccer team and has the good looks to top it off. But he isn’t arrogant about it. Plus I’ve heard he isn’t much of a ladies man. Kind of like me…coincidence much? Anyways, he gives me a little nod while passing and I catch myself just staring at him. I must seem extremely sketchy…or gay; which I’m so not…but maybe HE is?! Who knows? Never been there OR done that...as I stare at his butt, damn it! Why am I doing this? Did anyone else see me do that? Oh god I have to get out of here. Crap I still have last period left…maybe I could skip it. Not alone, that would suck. I’ll ask Ariana— since Logan needs to keep his school records squeaky clean—I’ll ask/text her.

For about fifteen minutes Ariana and I are walking down the sidewalk that leads to downtown. For some reason I didn’t talk as much as I usually do when I’m with her. Ariana starts to notice how quiet I am.

A: *nudges my shoulder* Everything okay?

Me: *nudge her back & sigh* I dunno…I feel…I feel so different, lately; and confused

A: *shrugs* Confused ‘bout what?

Me: *I look around then lower my voice & lean towards her* Sexuality confused

A: Whoaa *stops walking & holds her hand out to stop me from walking* Hold up. What’cha sayin, boy? 

Me: *I raise my hands at her* Shhh, keep walking

A: WELL. What ARE you saying? *widens her eyes*

Me: I’m not sure. I haven’t been sure for a while *I look down at my feet as we walk* Does it mean something when one dude looks at another dudes butt?

A: Ummm, seems pretty harmless to me *lowers her voice* Were you looking at another guys’ ass? *cracks a smile*

Me: Sort of…

A: WHOSE?

Me: *I lower my voice & mumble* 

A: I’m sorry but I don’t speak MUMBLE

Me: *I roll my eyes* Drew…Roy

A: *raises her eyebrows* Pfft, well I don’t blame ya. After all, he is a babe *smirks* And ya wanna tell me why you were lookin’ down there specifically?

Me: You see, that’s the problem, I have NO IDEA—and it’s freaking me out!

A: Okay, just calm down. BREATHE *her eyes widen* You know…Drew would actually be a good date for Friday…

Me: Not- helping- heeere

A: Aaah sorry! Uh, well maybe you’re Bi-sexual?

Me: Why would I be that?

A: I don’t think you chose to be it…but it looks like you like the girls…and the fellas *winks at me*

Me: *I fold my arms annoyed* 

A: *punches my arm playfully* Hey, be calm. It’s normal for some people to like both genders. Well some people might not think so, but—well it just depends on how that person feels…

Me: THAT’S WHY I’M SO CONFLICTED *I shake my head* 

A: Don’t freak out okay!? Let’s think about this, shall we?

Me: *I let out a big breath* Alright. I’m calm now

A: Yes find your “zen” or whatever. Okay, so first let’s remember when you last had a girlfriend or even dated a girl in general

Me: *I put my hands together* Mmm, well…the last time I did anything with a girl was probably…sophomore year  
A: Interesting…

Me: *I raise my eyebrow at her* Also, it seems like I’m never satisfied with any of the girls I went out with. And it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date

A: Maybe you should just try going out with a girl then to “test” these new feelings you have?

Me: That’s what I’m doing with Logan for the Carnival this Friday…but it’s harder than I thought

A: Well considering Logan is the straightest dude I’ve ever met—

Me: *I give her an un-amused face* You know what I’m trying to say

A: *smirks* Okay, so just find a “girl date” for Friday and see how you feel—cause its HAS been a while since you’ve…

Me: *I give her a curous look*

A: Well, you know. But anyways, if you still can’t find a date before the Carnival I’ll help you, okay?

Me: *I groan* Fiiiine *I cover my face with my hands then look at her* You can’t tell Logan about this 

A: I won’t *pink promise*

Me: *I sigh & smile at her* I know you won’t

A: But YOU better

Me: *I laugh nervously & point at her* HA, good one 

A: Dude

Me: I WILL. Jeeeeze lady

A: *laughs then puts her arm around my neck* If you need to talk more, I’m here, kay?

Me: *I smile* I know, I know

When I got home later that afternoon, my mom walks over to me while I’m watching T.V. with a not so pleased facial expression…

Me: Heeey momma…

Mom: Your Principal called me *folds her arms*

Me: Really? Aaand how’s he doin’? 

Mom: Kendall. Why weren’t you in your last period class today?

Me: I…I didn’t feel well…so I stayed in the bathroom…for a REEEALLY long time

Mom: Were you doing drugs or something bad?

Me: No mom no. Just… no

Mom: Alright…is that all?

Me: Yup!

Mom: *stares at me for a second* Well, do you feel better?

Me: Yeah, I’m fine now—I mean, like, I’m a little better. But I’m sure I’ll make it

Mom: *chuckles a little* That’s good

Me: *I start to feel uncomfortable* Um, so yeah, I guess I better get goin’ on that homework that I have…every night…see ya! *I rush out of the T.V. room & up to my bedroom. I close my door & lay on my back on my bed & let out a big breath*

The last thing my Mom needs to hear is that I skipped class purposely cause I was freaking out over staring at dudes butts. I dunno what she would say even—I don’t think I wanna know. But I DO know that she wouldn’t be overjoyed by the whole situation. I probably won’t get much sleep tonight with so many thoughts running through my head. So what if I might actually…be…gay; I guess it’s not a bad thing. Well at least not to me…but others? Sounds very risky; and probably something I should sleep on—if I can that is. 

The next day…

In English class, Mr. Hayes decided to put us in partnerships & read aloud to make the “Romeo & Juliet” play more ‘fascinating’ for us—since we keep falling asleep in his class. Since Drew and I, are Romeo and…eh hem…Juliet, we were automatically paired up. I read my part aloud, then when it was Drew’s turn & he’d stumble over his words which I thought was really cute—which I’m actually not afraid to admit. After our turn’s over, Mr. Hayes tells us to re-read our parts individually with our partners, because we don’t “understand the importance of the text,” and yada, yada.

Drew: *peeks up at me & cracks a smile* Man is this bogus or what? 

Me: Like you read my mind

Mr. Hayes: *walks by us & claps* We should be reading boys!

Me: *I jump up in my seat startled*

Drew: *rolls his eyes at our Teacher*

Me: *I grin at Drew* Hey, you wanna make this more fun and less awkward than it already is?

Drew: Please

Me: Okay. Let’s read our parts with different accents

Drew: Say what boy?

Me: It’ll be fun. Trust me *I move his book closer to his face* I’ll start *I use my best Russian accent & read my part* “Saints do not move, though grant for prayers sake!”

Drew: *cracks a smile* Duuude, what even!?

Me: I DON’T EVEN KNOW *I laugh at him & tap his book* You try

Drew: Alright *raises his eyebrows & reads one of his parts from the play with a Jersey accent* “Then move not white my prayer’s effect I take. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.” FIST PUMP!

Me: *I shake my head & laugh at him*

Drew: Yo, but trying to talk Shakespearian with that Jersey accent was super hard, not gonna die

Me: Oh I believe it! 

We bust into laughter then Drew reads a part normally—when Mr. Hayes walks by eye-balling us— to make it look like we’re actually doing serious work.

Drew: *raises his fists in the air* “Sin from thy lips! Oh trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.”

Me: *I mildly flirt* You kiss by the book?

Drew: *laughs & slaps the side of my arm* Dude, you’re too funny

Me: *I smile nervously* I try *I grab my arm where he slapped it*

At one point during class I leave to go to the “bathroom” to meet Ariana in the corridor by the snack machine.

Me: And when he touched my arm…I felt something

A: *gives me a weird look* What did you feel?

Me: *I hit her arm a little* Sparks. I felt sparks. God Ar. Way to make it dirty

A: Pfft, hey, you’re the one who said it! *laughs then moves closer to my face* So…you really think you’re gay?

Me: I…I don’t want to put a label on me quite just yet. But I just know I’m trying to get more comfortable with these ‘feelings’ I’ve been having

A: *hugs me* Good for you Ken *pulls away from our hug & smiles* Well, gotta get back to class!

Me: Same!! See you at lunch! *I wave at her then speed walk back to class*

A couple days pass…

It’s finally Friday, which also means; DATE NIGHT. Ariana ended up finding me a possible “date.” Apparently it’s a boy, but I told her I’m not ready for that yet. AND I still haven’t told Logan about my “new” self yet. I just need to find a good time to tell him…but I don’t think there’s anyway to segue gracefully into that topic of conversation.   
At school, Arianna & I are standing by my locker watching Logan talk to Smiley Mandy from my first period. Logan sees us staring, and he waves at us, then walks over with her.

Ariana: Looks someone has a date for tonight 

Log: You’d be correct, my friend

Me: Looks like it * I try to say excitedly for him*

Mandy: *giggles & turns to me* Hi Kendall!

Me: Sup Smiley—Mandy, hi *I wave at her*

L: You two know each other? 

Me: Yeah we—

Mandy: We’re in first period English together, its suuuuper great, right Ken?

Me: *I cringe at her overly peppiness* Oh yeah, IT’S SUPER

A: *covers her mouth & hides her laugh*

L: So did youuu guys find dates?

A: I have an idea of who I want 

L: Cool. And you man?

Me: UH, yeah, same here *I slap his chest playfully with the back of my hand* No worries AT ALL

L: *raises his eyebrows & gives me a smile* Sweet. Hey um, I was going to escort Mandy to her first period

Mandy: Wanna come, Ken?

Me: Uh, I’ll be there in a sec

L: Kay see yaaa

Me: Okay bye-bye *I say quickly*

A: *gives them a big smile* Bye guuuys *slaps my arm when they disappear around the corner*

Me: Stop thaaat

A: You liiiiie

Me: Hey. I’ll tell him when I’m ready, okay?   
A: *gives me a pouty look*

Me: You thought THAT was a good time?!

A: Ugh. Fine. Whatever

Me: Jeeze *I rub my arm* And you hurt my arm, woman

A: *snorts out a little laugh* Sorry *tries to pat my arm*

Me: No touch-y *I start to walk away from her & she follows me*

A: No let me make it better *laughs*

Me: Stop iiiit *I paw her away*

A: *chuckles* Quit your whining, boy

Me: *I stick my tongue out at her* 

A: *sticks her tongue back out at me* 

*The bell rings for class*

Me: I’ll see ya later girlie

A: Byyyye *turns around & jogs to her classroom*

* I turn around to rush to my class, but instead, I run into Alex.

Alex: Watch it ya pansy!

I shake my head at him & see his girlfriend, Angela behind him—the one I went out with, which totally pissed him off—she waves at me while giving me a sad look.

Angela: Hi Kendall

I wave back with a really confused expression & then dash to my first period. 

Today in English class, Mr. Hayes caught me and Drew¬ doing our different accents game during our Shakespeare reading. He told us both to stop doing the class activity and to write a page on why Shakespeare’s so “great.” Mr. Hayes takes everything way too seriously, and obviously likes to make my classroom time with him purposely torture. But as long as Drew’s here, next to me, and our elbows are touching every few minutes, the torture lessens. As Drew and I write our “amazing” pages on Shakespeare, we keep looking at each other holding in our laughter over the whole situation.   
After class, Drew & I walk out together, talking about how bad the pages we wrote are.

Drew: Dude, I swear he’s out to get us; cause that “punishment” he gave us was so ridiculous

Me: I just think he needs to get laid

Drew: My thoughts exactly! *laughs & gently punches my arm*

Me: *I slow my laughter down & stare at him* Hey, um, so…are you going to the Carnival, tonight?

Drew: Totes man

Me: *I try not to look the least awkward while speaking* Got a hot date?

Drew: Ohhh yes; you?

Me: *I try not to look as upset as I feel* Haven’t really found one yet

Drew: So you’re out on the search still?

Me: Yup. All this week *I shake my head sadly*

Drew: Bro, I could hook you up…if you’d like…?

Me: *I give him a slow look* Sooounds good to me

Drew: *grins* Cool man. I think I know who… *looks around & makes eye-contact with a girl. He calls her over to us* Hey Alison!

Alison: *she stops talking to her friends & walks over to us* Hey Drew *gives him a flirty smile then looks over at me*

Me: *I wave while clenching my jaw* 

Ali: Who’s your cute friend?

Drew: Glad you like him. Wanna be his date for the Carnival?

Ali: *flips her hair* Sure *brushes her bangs away from her face*

Me: Sure?

Ali: Mmm hm *nods her head* 

Drew: Well that settles that! I’ll see YOU two at the Carnival

Ali: *caressing my arm*

Me: *I raise an eyebrow at her then look at Drew* Youuu betcha

Drew: *smiles* Well, catch ya lata’!

Ali: Bye Drew

Me: *I frown watching him leave*

Ali: *makes me face her by grabbing my chin* YOU are too cute *growls playfully* Don’t let this face fool ya. I’m not- that- innocent *blows me a kiss then walks away*

Me: *I put my hand over my face* Why meee?

*I wipe my forehead from sweating & head to my second period class; dreading until tonight comes*

At the Valentine’s Day Carnival:

It’s beyond nuts here! People my age AND older are making out everywhere—even in the nasty latrines’! I’m not even going to get more into that; it’s just plain wrong. Also, it’s getting darker outside so now all the carnival lights are on for the rides. Speaking of rides, my damn head won’t stop spinning from my date. This girl doesn’t shut up or stop being so grabby all over on me. And we’ve been on the Ferris wheel for god only knows how many times. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve perfectly practiced tuning her out. I tell her I need to use the bathroom—hoping to maybe ditch her. Which I’m sure she’ll find another little “friend” sooner or later. So after our ride ends, I try to walk towards the bathrooms, but she grabs my collar and kisses me hard on the lips, then tries to give me some tongue action, but that’s where I draw the line. And it just SO didn’t feel right; for many reasons.

Me: *I pull away from her and raise my voice* ALRIGHTY THEN. Thanks for the send off *I speed walk away feeling relieved*

Alison: I’ll be at the cotton candy stand, ya cutie!

I give her an awkward wave & shuffle off. I shiver just thinking about that kiss. Talk about uncomfortable? How bout next time I try that with a guy? I’ll make that deal with myself and try not to be stuck in a situation like this ever again to the best of my ability. I look behind me to get one last glimpse of her, & then purposely get lost in the crowd of people so she couldn’t find me if she tried. I walk right past the gross latrines; like I would ever want to actually use one of those nasty things?! I shake my head at the thought. God, what a crappy Valentine’s Day. I mean, it’s not Drew’s fault for this date; it’s mine for going along with it in the first place. Ugh, I really hope he doesn’t find me…or worse…ALISON.

Okay, I must sit. All this thinking is exhausting me to the fullest. I find a Balloon Darts booth nearby and decide to sit on one of the stools they have. I run my hands over my face & my hair & let out a deep breath. “You alright there, mate?” I hear someone say. I lift my head up out of my hands and see a really cute dark haired boy with hazel eyes. I feel dazed for a sec while looking at him. I can tell by his outfit that he’s in charge of the booth. I straighten myself up & fix my hair. He’s still giving me a concerned look while I stare at him…

Me: Me? Uh, yeah. I’m fine. I guess

Boy: Good, cause I can’t have people start dying on me now. I’m so far only responsible for the balloons that pop and die and the darts that dart *drinks a cup of water he has on the side*

Me: *I smile weakly at his accent & look down at my feet* 

Boy: *notices how unhappy I am* Whadya say, wanna play a round of Balloon Darts to lighten the mood up here? *he looks at me closely with his pretty eyes*

Me: *I look back up at him, still smiling weakly*

Boy: *grins* You up for the challenge, mate?

Me: *I give him a clever grin* Bring it, mate

Boy: *laughs & grabs some darts for us to throw*

After I played a few games with him, we ended up just talking until it was closing time for the Carnival. So far I’ve found out his name is Tommy, and that he’s from Australia, and must I say that he’s on the attractive side. After he finishes cleaning up a bit, he pulls out a deck of cards & holds them out in front of me.

Tom: Pick a card

Me: Aw man, not this trick

Tom: Come on mate, you know you really want to *he gives me a crooked smile*

Me: *I give him a teasing look* First of all, I have a name, and it’s not mate. How would you like it if I called you mate?

Tom: How would you like it if I told you you already did *smirks*

I stare at him for a second then reach forward & I grab his deck of cards from his hands & I walk away from the booth. He comes out from behind his booth & I laugh while he tries to take them from me. We face each other when he puts his hands on mine. We stare at each other; he gives me a shy smile while I try not to blush.

Tom: I’d like to have my cards back Mr. Kendall

Me: As you wish, mate *I hold them out & he grabs them quickly & gives me a second look*

Tom: Quit being such a dag *puts his cards into his pants pocket*

Me: A dag?

Tom: Another word for goofball that you Yanks go on about here

Me: Oh. Well then I’m slightly less offended

Tom: *chuckles*

Me: So where are you from? *I rest my arm on the booth’s counter & he joins me*

Tom: The Land Down under, mate. Australia

Me: OH—well that should have been obvious, pfft. Sorry, I’m a little off tonight 

Tom: No worries *smiles & nudges my arm* I saw you earlier with that root rat pashing on you; she your girlfriend?

Me: My what—and she’s what?

Tom: *shakes his head & laughs* Nevermind

Me: Okay…well she isn’t my girlfriend, if that’s what you’re wondering

Tom: Oh, but two seemed to be having such a spiffy time together!

Me: I’m not sure if you’re being sarcastic or—?

Tom: *snorts*

Me: *I laugh at his snort* But uh, yeah, we were set up by a friend of mine

Tom: Oh those set ups are pretty spiffy too, aren’t they?

Me: Oh tooootally *I roll my eyes* Man this V-Day blows

Tom: *gives me a sad look & taps my wrist* I’m real sorry bout that, mate

Me: Thanks, mate 

Tom: *cracks up at my nonchalant response*

Me: *I give him a second look* Actually, hanging out with you sorta really made up for this shitty day

Tom: *nods his head slowly* I’m glad I could help *smiles at me* And sooo you’re not dating anyone now?

Me: Nope; hence my aloneness.

Tom: Aw, no need to get the shits, my new friend

Me: *I say to myself* Well that doesn’t sound pleasant *I turn to him slowly* Can you…keep a secret?

Tom: *tilts his head at me* Depends on the secret

Me: Okay. Well…so…the reason it didn’t work out with that girl tonight…is because…she’s…well…I…

Tom: You fancy blokes?

Me: *I stare at him*

Tom: Boys? As you Americans would say

Me: *I give him a shy look* Well you’re not wrong, I’ll give you that *I panic for a sec* Wait, am I that obvious?

Tom: *chuckles* Kendall. You stand out like a shag on a rock

Me: *I blush at his comment*

Tom: Aaand I might also fancy the blokes myself, so that may have helped my guessing a tad

Me: *I raises my eyebrows at him* Well now that’s just cheating

Tom: Mmm, no I don’t think so *pokes my arm*

Me: *I shake my head & laugh at him*

Tom: You know, this whole night I’ve been trying to figure you out

Me: Looks like you did *we stare at each other for a second*

Tom: And don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me

Me: *I give him a weak/worried look then stare down at my feet*

Tom: You know…in Aussie slang, boys like us are called “Poofs” *nods his head*

Me: *I give him a weird look then laugh a little* Poofs? I like that better than the American word for it

Tom: I can tell—cause you can’t even bring yourself to say the bloody word

Me: *I sigh* What can I say, I’m new to the poof world…if it wasn’t obvious

Tom: No worries. And at first when I saw you my poof-dar did go off a little. Buuut it may have just been wishful thinking *shrugs & gives me a flirty look*

Me: Oh… *I grin at him then look at my watch* Aaah, it’s getting late, I should probably get home—*I freeze & shake my head* Aaand I just remembered that my date that I ditched drove me here. Great!

Tom: *jingles his car keys*

Me: You wanna drive me home? *I smile*

Tom: Say please

We arrive at my house in his car & I ask him to park at the end of my drive way so my family won’t be as nosy.

Tom: This is your house right?

Me: Nope. It’s all lies

Tom: *hits the steering wheel* Bloody hell boy!

Me: *I crack up at him* Hey, thanks for the ride

Tom: No problem *gives me a toothy smile*

Me: *I snort out a little laugh then give him a sideways look* Hey uh…would you wanna try…going out…sometime? I mean, you don’t—we don’t have to—but…oh god am I doing this wrong? The car suddenly feels like its closing in—neeeed aaaair *I look around nervously* But please say something 

Tom: *shakes his head & laughs* Well you’re still a bit of a Dag…

Me: And I know that’s a good thing *I point my finger at him*

Tom: *grins & taps the steering wheel nervously* What’s your favorite place to eat?

Me: Hmm…Buddy’s Pizza is pretty delish

Tom: Alright. I could pick you up if you’d like?

Me: That sounds…nice

Tom: I mean, it’s the least I could do…after you politely asked me out

Me: *I nod & look up* Thaaat is what I did. Well, tried to do, anyways

Tom: *crinkles his nose & smiles* I’m looking forward to it

Me: *I smile nervously at him* Me too *we were so close I started to feel lightheaded, but in a good way* Well uh, I should get going

Tom: *nods his head* I’ll see you later then

Me: *I get out of his car & wave at him*

Next day: It’s Saturday afternoon & I have nothing to do until my date with Tommy, tonight. Maybe I should get ready for it now. I feel like THIS date will prove if I really am into “the blokes” like Tommy said. I just know how I feel and I want to follow what my heart’s telling me. I sit down on the couch & I switch on the T.V. My older brother, Kevin, sits down on the couch next to me.

Kevin: *slaps my leg* What’s up lil bro?

Me: Juuust chillin

Kev: SAAAAME

I nod my head at him then look down at my cell phone. Logan & Ariana have been texting me more than 20 times since last night & they keep saying that they thought I died or something. I texted them both, “Sorry, change of plans, suddenly,” Logan stopped worrying, but Ariana wouldn’t let me off the hook yet. Just then, my door bell rings a couple times.

Kev: Hey Ken, you wanna get that *stares intently at the T.V. screen*

Me: *I glare at him, annoyed* Sure *I shake my head & open the front door to see Ariana standing there* R?

Ari: Don’t R me, I wanna know what really happened to you last night *walks past me & into my house*

Me: Gee nice to see you too *I close my front door & face her*

Ari: Why don’t you just tell me the truth?

Before I could talk, Kevin walks over to us.

Kev: *folds his arms* Well looky whose here

Ari: NOT NOW, KEVIN *she grabs me & pulls me into the kitchen away from Kevin*  
Logan told me you supposedly “hit it off” with Alison, which frankly—

Kev: *standing by the kitchen door* Hey nice man, up top! *raises his hand for a high –five*

Me: *I roll my eyes at Kevin then turn to Ariana & whisper* Can we talk somewhere else?

Ari: Fine. Let’s do this in your room *grabs my wrist & pulls me towards the stairs*

Kev: Ooo Kendall gettin’ sooooome *fist pumps*

Me: That’s gonna be the last thing happening up here

Kev: Right, right, I see what you’re up to *winks at us while we walk up the stairs*

Ari: *gives Kevin a sassy look* Shut up?

We go into my bedroom & I shut my door tightly. We sit on my bed cross-legged, face to face, & I tell her what happened last night.

Ari: *slaps my leg playfully* Why didn’t you just tell me?

Me: Ah, ow *I rub my leg from her painful slapping* I’m just still confused with this whole “liking boys” thing

Ari: Aw, I’m here for you *pats my leg*

Me: Thanks

Ari: And sooo…you got a date! *whispers* With a boy! *slaps my leg again excitedly*

Me: *I smile at her in pain* Ow, okay, I’m probably gonna need this leg to properly function for my date

Ari: Ah, my bad, my bad! I’m done now. And how long til your date? *raises her eyebrows all flirty*

Me: Couple hours

Ari: And we’re just SITTING here? *gets off my bed* Well, there’s no more time to waste, let’s get you lookin pretty for tonight!

Me: *I laugh then look at her* You’re serious?

Ari: *walks over to my closet* Oh you bet your butt I am. Come on, get off that booty

Me: Ugh, okay *I roll my eyes & walk over to her*

Ariana finishes giving me my “makeover,” and I’m surprised at how good she made me look. I look in the mirror & flatten out the front of my button- up plaid shirt.

Ari: *holds up a tie*

Me: *I hold up my hands* I think I’m good

Ari: Oh come on

Me: Ari, we’re just going to a pizza joint, nothing fancy

Ari: Gaaah, fine

Me: *I look at the clock* Not too long til he’s here!

Ari: Ooo! I should probably go then?

Me: Probably! *I squeal a little with excitement then calm myself* Thanks for helping me look so gooood

Ari: *hugs me* You’re welcome, ya cutie. Oh, and I so want to meet him

Me: You will, I promise

Ari: Yay! Can’t wait! Okay I’ll go now, but tell me everything at school, Monday, okay?

Me: Will do 

Ari: Alright, see ya! *leaves my room*

Me: Later *I wave at her*

I fix my hair in the mirror, & then my Mom knocks on my door, so I walk over to open it.

Mom: Hi sweetie, I just got back from—well don’t you look nice…

Me: Er thanks, Ari helped me clean up 

Mom: And I see that *she fixes my collar* You look very handsome. You never did make it clear where you were going tonight…?

Me: I didn’t? *I laugh nervously* Oh, uh, well…I have a date

Mom: *raises her eyebrows* OH? Well it’s about time!

Me: Mooom. It hasn’t been that long

Mom: Whatever you say sweetie. And I hope you two have a nice time

Me: Me too *I smile at her, then I look for some cologne in my room*

Mom: *stands by my doorway* Will I get to meet her?

Me: *I almost knock over my lamp on my dresser & turn to her* What? I mean, no. She’s uh, I don’t want you to meet her just yet—cause it may not work out or something…and what would be the point of introducing you…to him—HER, right? *I finally find the cologne & nervously spray it on myself*

Mom: Huh, I guess you have a point…

Me: *I hear a horn honk* He—SHE’S here, ha-ha that would be weird if it was the other way around right? Okay, well bye! *I kiss her on the cheek & dash out of my room*

Mom: Have a good night hon! And don’t forget your wallet!!

After our dessert, Tommy drives me home. He parks in my drive-way, closer to the garage because it’s raining. 

Tom: I’d say that was a spiffy night

Me: It was quite spiffy

We laugh together. Oh that laugh he has…

Tom: Besides the casual raining cats ‘n’ dogs, it was quite on the spiffy side I’d say *pats my leg*

Me: *I chuckle then look down at where he touched my leg*

Tom: *smiles at me* Would you like a chockie?

Me: A whatty?

Tom: *lets out a short laugh* Chocolate! 

Me: OH, yeah, sure *he reaches over my legs to get into the glove compartment*

Tom: I hope you like Hersey kisses; they’re all I’ve got. Leftovers from the Carnival *pulls out a couple chocolates & drops them in my palm*

Me: *I look down at my hand* Thanks. Oh they’re so cute and pink  
Tom: Right you are 

After he says that he gives me a little side smirk, that shows his charming dimples. He stares at me, and I start to feel a little anxious, but in a good way.

Me: *I smirk then look at my house* I guess I should go now?

Tom: Fair enough. Want me to walk you?

Me: You don’t have to ask *I smile at him & open the car door*

Tom: *his eyes twinkle at me when he grins*

We make a mad dash to my front door, trying not to get rained on. We laugh it off & I shake my soaked hair while Tom gives me a second look & steps closer. He fixes my collar, & then holds onto it with his hands tightly. We look at each other, & then he pulls me toward his face, pressing his lips onto mine. At first my eyes are wide open in shock, but then I start to feel more comfortable & close my eyes & enjoy the kiss. After a few moments he lets go of my shirt & rests his hands on my chest. I blink a couple times & we laugh at each other, filled with excitement. Our faces are still so close that we can smell each others’ pizza breath. I’m just thankful neither of us had anchovies on our pizza tonight.

Me: Well I’ve never done that before *I let out a breath of laughter*

Tom: You really are a little buggar *gently tugs on my collar before letting go*

Me: *I look down & blush*

Tom: Hey Ken?

Me: Yeah?

Tom: *takes a deep breath* You’re the first guy I’ve ever actually kissed. No other guy ever…wanted to

Me: *I give him a sad look then smile weakly* You’re my first too

Tom: *smiles at me & shakes off his wet hair* 

Me: *I jokingly put my hands up to block the water from hitting my face*

Tom: *laughs & gives me a little shove* I’ll ring you later?

Me: Looking forward to it 

Tom: *kisses my cheek & runs out in the rain to his car*

I watch him drive away & I sigh feeling lightheaded—in a good way. I open my front door almost hitting my brother…whose mouth is hanging wide open.

Kev: Holy shiiiit—dude, are you—is HE?

Me: *I put my hand over his mouth & use the other hand to close the door* NOT A WORD. To mom or anybody

Kev: *he nods his head still in shock* 

Me: *I take my hand off his mouth & walk towards the stairs*

Tom: *laughs* I’ve never been so glad to not be in college right now man—

Me: If you say anything I will put -you -back into college! GOT IT? *I start to walk up the stairs*

Kev: *follows not far behind me* Wow, you’re serious about this, aren’t you?

Me: *I groan & walk faster up the stairs* Why is this happening to me?

Kev: *whispers behind me* Is he your secret lover?

Me: Night Kevin *I walk into my room & close the door quickly*

Kev: *says through my door* Come on bro. Talk to me!?

Me: *I purposely ignore him*

The weekend breezes by & its Monday already; at school it seems as though Logan and Smiley Mandy really hit it off since the Carnival—cause they can’t restrain themselves from making kissy faces at each other all morning.

Me: *I turn to Ariana* By the way, I never got to ask you who you went to the Carnival with?

Ariana: *looks at me & blinks innocently*

Logan: Did ya forget already?

Ari: Uhhh, no. And it doesn’t really matter *waves her hand carelessly*

Mandy: It was Drew, silly!

L: *grins at her & they begin to make out again*

Me: *I look at her surprised & pull her over to the side, away from Logan and Mandy* And when were you going to tell me this?

Ari: *bites her lip nervously* You never asked?

Me: Well now I’m asking?!

Ari: Just don’t be mad please

Me: *I let out a big breath* I’m not. I’m just…surprised. How did you two…?

Ari: Well, okay, here’s the story, my date I brought was awful and then I ran into Drew—literally—I knocked over his nachos! I apologized like 50 gazillion times and then he said I was cute and then we ended up hanging out for the rest of the night…and yeah. It just…kinda happened

Me: So your night was kinda like mine that night in a way?

Ari: *shrugs* You could say that. Sorry I didn’t tell you

Me: No really, its fine, Ar *I lower my voice* I have Tom now, remember?

Ari: OH THAT’S RIGHT *winks at me* 

The bell rings for first period.

Ari: Tell me more about your date later, okay?

Me: I will!

Ari: *she gives me a thumbs-up then scoots off to her class*

Me: *I take a couple of steps & Logan speaks to me*

L: Hey man, wait up! I’ll walk you and Mandy both to class

Me: Oh nooo, that’s fine, I was just—going to the bathroom. You two can go

L: Okay?? See you later bro??

Me: BYE! *as soon as I enter the bathroom I sit in the smelly stall & take my phone out to give Tommy a good morning text*

After my last period Drew & I meet up by his locker.

Drew: Hey so how’d your date with Alison go?

Me: Uh, greeeat. She wasn’t a nightmare at all whatsoever *I try my best not to sound sarcastic, but it’s almost impossible*

Drew: Dude, she doesn’t even come close to a nightmare. She’s hot

Me: Smokin’ *I say stupidly* But literally all she wanted to do was make out…

Drew: *gives me a wide eyed look* Now THAT just sounds AWFUL *chuckles & rummages through his locker* 

Me: *I smirk & fold my arms*

Just then, Alex (my bully) slams me sideways—hard— into the lockers next to Drew’s; Angela watches us in fear. This isn’t his usual time to come & harass me, which I find strange, but disturbing at the same time. I grab my arm that got slammed into the lockers & wince in pain. Drew turns around baffled by the whole scene.

Alex: FAG

Drew: Whoa, whoa there bro *slams his locker shut & faces Alex* Lay off him

Alex: *cracks his jaw* You’re not serious right now, are you?

Drew: *drops his book & pokes Alex’s chest* You got a problem with me being all serious; tough guy? 

Alex: *scoffs & lets out a little chuckle* No, not at all. But you have fun with your little faggot *pats Drew’s shoulder & starts to walk away but Drew grabs his shoulder to turn him back around & punches him right in the face*

Me: *I try to pull Drew away but it’s no use* DREW. DON’T TRY—

They draw a crowd of students. Ariana & Logan happen to be in the crowd & spot me & push through everyone to get to me.

Arianna: *yells* What the hell’s going on!?

Me: *I take a deep breath & say quietly into her ear* Apparently, I’m a fag

Logan: *tilts his head sideways & gives Alex an irritated look* Is that Drew Roy fighting him?

Me: *I cover my face with my hands* Maybe

Ari: Oh my god *covers her mouth with her hands*

A teacher finally approaches the fight & pulls them apart, while warning them with a suspension if they continue. Alex stomps off with Angela wrapped around his arm.   
Drew walks over to us with his now bloody nose.

Me: Drew. Oh god you’re bleeding *I reach towards his face*

Drew: *raises his hand* I’m alright. Are you okay?

Me: Yeah, I’m fine. I’m worried ‘bout you though…

Drew: Eh, I’ll live *looks to my right & sees Ariana* Oh hey *holds his bloody nose*

Ari: *blushes* Hey

L: Dude you just sort of kicked Alex Frost’s butt

Drew: No, actually I just sort of got my ass kicked by the big jerk

L: Oh. Sorry bro *pats Drew’s arm sympathetically*

Drew: *shrugs* You win some you lose some. I hate fighting though 

Ari: *holds out her scarf* Here, use this for the bleeding

Drew: Thanks, but that’s too pretty for me to ruin *gives her a weak smile*

Ari: Oh, okay *grins at him*

Drew: *turns to me* Hey, I gotta get goin; I got soccer practice. See you later though bro, kay? *pats my arm then jogs down the hall & dissapears around the corner*

Me: *I feel I’m in some sort of dream state*

Ari: I can’t believe he stood up for you like that *smiles*

L: Yeah man, crazy

Me: I can’t believe that I haven’t stood up to that asshole yet. Am I a wimp for letting Drew defend me?

Ari: No sweetie, not at all

L: He was just protecting you. You’re friends, right?

Me: Well now I think we really are *I grab my arm & Ari rubs it for me*

Later at home, Kevin decides to cook dinner. I walk into the kitchen sniffing the air. And it doesn’t smell terrible.

Me: What’s all this?

Kev: *stirs whatever’s in the pot of boiling water* Oh just tryin something a little new *raises his eyebrow at me & gives me a little wink*

I nod my head slowly; knowing that comment was directed at me. Ever since he caught Tommy and me ‘in the act,’ he’s been giving me smirks & snarky remarks for the past couple of days.

Me: Anyways. Serious question here; have you ever wanted to kick a guys ass so hard, but you don’t have the guts to?

Kev: Well duh. Who hasn’t? 

Me: Sooo…have you done it?

Kev: PSHHHYA! *leans closer to me & talks in a whisper tone* Junior year, after school, in an ally

Me: An ally, really?

Kev: *shakes his head* Location doesn’t matter

Me: *I give him an annoyed look* Yeah sure. Continue

Kev: *whisper tone again* Long story short, I kicked the guy’s ass and NEVER got caught *raises his eyebrows*

Me: *I nod my head at him* Interesting story. Not sure if its fiction or nonfiction but at least I have something now to hold against you when the time comes

Kev: Duuuude, you better not tell anybody

Me: Then you better not tell anyone…about me and you know who

Kev: *grins all excitedly* About your little boyfriend?

Me: SHHHHHHHHUSH. But ANYWAYS, back to the ass kicking subject. Can you somehow teach me how to at least defend myself?

Kev: You’re serious about this?

Me: Do I ever ask you for advice?

Kev: *says quickly* True. And why suddenly do you need help kicking ass? 

Me: There’s this asshole at my school who’s been harassing me for what seems like an eternity—and I wanna just defend myself for once

Kev: Hmm…I’ll think about it lil bro

Me: *I sniff the pasta that’s boiling in the pot* Sooo…is that a YES?

Kev: A maybe

Me: A MAYBE? Come on Kev, you dropped out of college, what else is there for you to do—besides looking for a job—and this new cooking ‘hobby’ of yours?

Kev: ALRIGHT, fine. JEEEEEZE. I’ll do it. God you’re annoying

Me: THAAAANK YOUUU! *I hug him*

Kev: WHOAAA, hey, hey, easy! Watch the stove!

Me: *I give him a long dramatic stare* It’s like I don’t know who you are anymore

Kev: I could say the same for you lover-boy

Me: *I pinch his arm* SHUT IT

Kev: *laughs* Go tell Mom dinners ready. Or I’ll kick your ass

Me: You’re not funny *I sneer at him*

Kev: Come on Ken, I’m a little funny *stirs his pasta happily*

Me: *I roll my eyes at him, then walk out of the room to get our Mom*

It’s Friday finally: After last period, Logan decides to ask me if we could hang out, but I told him a certain “friend” of mine was visiting.

L: Would I know this friend?

Me: Uh no. They’re from a different school and yada, yada

L: So I can’t meet them?

Me: *I crack my neck annoyed* I mean, yeah sure you can…

L: *gives me a funny look*

Ari: *skips over to us* So what’s up for today?

L: Kendall’s having a little get together tonight, wanna join?

Ari: Yeah, I’m there *smiles*

Me: Well I wasn’t planning on—*I grit my teeth* Okay I guess I’ll have to warn—ha-ha I mean, tell my friend that you guys will be joining us

L: Yeah, cool man *pats my arm*

Ari: Friend?

L: His new friend

Ari: Would I know this new friend?

Me: You know, that friend I told you about—that friend *I widen my eyes at her*

Ari: *stares at me for a second* OOOOH…right! Of course

L: You know about this “friend” ?

Ari: Yeeeah maybe

Me: *I clap my hands once* OKAY! I guess I’ll see you both at 5pm then?

L: Sounds good to me

A: Yup!

Me: See you then! *I wave to them, then dash out of the school to text Tommy about our new plans*

At home, Tommy came over earlier so we could have some time alone before my friends came. We’re sitting on the couch watching “Extreme Makeover” on the T.V. He’s got his arm around me. It’s quite relaxing, despite hearing my brother tip-toeing around room to room. Luckily my mom went out with Rick, and Kevin already knows our whole situation, so we’re in the clear for now. But that still doesn’t calm my nervous for tonight.

Me: Okay, I’m officially freaking out 

Tom: YOU? I have to pretend to be straight guy and not your boyfriend in front of your OWN friends! *shakes his head*

Me: And here I thought I was the only one with that problem *I sigh then give him a little look* Wait, did you call me your boyfriend?

Tom: That’s what…we are, right?

Me: I hope so *I smile at him*

Tom: *tickles my ear with his finger, playfully*

Me: *I smile* I’m sorry we have to do this tonight…I really don’t know how much longer I can keep this secret anymore, it’s so frustrating I just—  
Tom: Hey *leans over & kisses me* We’re in this together, okay?  
I smile & lean in for another kiss at the same time the doorbell rings. I jump away from Tommy & stand up quickly*

Tom: *sits up straight on the couch & gives me a worried look* Showtime

Me: *a return him my own worried look then leave the room to answer the door*

After a boring game of Gold-Fish & a couple hours later, we’re all sitting on the couch together & cracking jokes while the TV’s on in the background. They really do like Tommy; which is the least of my worries. Also for the past 20 minutes, in secret, Tommy’s been rubbing the back of my head & it’s the best.

Tom: *sits up from the couch* I’ma get some more chips from the kitchen, be back in a jiff *winks at me*

Me: Okee doke!

Logan: JIFF! *nudges my arm* Ha, I love this guy! He’s too cool

Me: I’m glad you think so, buddy *I smile & pat his shoulder*

Ariana: *rolls her eyes at me, then stands up & follows Tom to the kitchen* Hey

Tom: *looks up* Hello

Ari: *stretches her arms above her head* So, um, I might kind of know about your situation with Kendall…and all

Tom: *blinks a couple of times* Come again?

Ari: *lowers her voice into a whisper tone* I know he likes you, a lot. And you like him the same way, right? *helps Tom put more chips into the bowl*

Tom: *grins* I really do

Kevin: *leans against the kitchen wall* More than you like Australia? *he says in an Australian accent & laughs at his own joke*

Ari: KEVIN. This is private

Kev: *puts his hand on his chest with a shocked expression* You think I don’t know that?

Ari: You know nothing

Kev: *clever grin & uses an Australian accent* Au contraire, my dear, but I do

Tom: Please tell me you aren’t trying to speak Aussie and French at the same time? 

Kev: *shrugs with a smug look*

Ari: *shakes her head & turns to Tom* What’s he talkin’ bout?

Tom: *sighs* He knows about me and Kenny

Ari: And how did this idiot find out about you two?

Kev: Hey, words hurt, Ar. Oh, and to answer your question; *whispers* I caught them macking by the front door like *pretends to make out with himself*

Ari: *shoves Kevin so he stops* Quit it

Tom: Yeah, take a hike, mate

Kev: Hey, I’m just sayin’ *waves his hands mockingly then walks away*

Ari: *rubs her temples* Does he have nothing better to do around here? 

Tom: *smiles weakly at her* Come on; let’s get back to Ken and David *grabs his bowl of chips & her arm to walk into the TV room*

Less than a couple hours pass by and everything starts to wind down.

L: *high-fives Tom* Man that was fun. Hey we gotta do a guys night out or something

Tom: Oh well that just sounds like a blast and a half

L: *laughs & looks at me* He kills me, man

Ari: I need more girl friends

L: Hey, be nice, I’m your ride home

Ari: *says sarcastically* Lucky me! *hugs me, then Tommy* Bye guys; nice to meet you Tommy *gives him a secret smile*

Tom: Nice meeting you *grins back at her*

L: Later bro’s!

We wave at them until they drive off, & then Tommy closes my front door slowly & turns to me with a sly grin.

Tom: Come here ya dag 

He steps forward to press his lips onto mine & grabs my waist. For a moment it gets intimate, & we take it over to the couch, but then car headlights flash through the window, interrupting us.

Me: *I sit up & whisper* Mom’s home

Tom: I guess that’s my cue

Me: Don’t leave yet! Maybe you could stay over…

Tom: I guess an innocent little sleepover wouldn’t hurt *winks at me & tickles my side*

Me: Stop that! *I laugh & swat his hands away*

My mom opens the front door then walks past the T.V. room where we are on the couch. She retraces her steps & smiles at us.

Mom: Hi boys

Me: OH, hello mother

Mom: Hi hon. Who’s your new friend?

Tom: *gives her a little wave* I’m Tom

Mom: Hello

Tom: Hi *smiles shyly*

Me: Hey, uh, mom, could Tom stay over?

Mom: Sure sweetie. Its Friday isn’t it? I need to wash up, but you two have fun *grins then walks away to put her coat away & goes upstairs*

Tom: *slaps my leg* Come on; show me what your room looks like!

Me: If you say so! Follow meee

Tom: Right behind ya

After a few minutes, Tommy calls his parents to tell them that he’s staying over.  
My mom walks into my room, holding a sleeping bag.

Mom: Tom, Tommy, which one do you prefer?

Tom: Either is fine, miss

Mom: Great *smiles* I have a sleeping bag for you

Tom: *puts his hand on his chest* You shouldn’t have

Mom: Oh but I did. Here you go my dear *hands him the sleeping bag* You two have a good sleep

Me: Thanks, night mom

Mom: Night boys *closes my door*

Tom: *gives me a sideways glance* Since when was I sleeping on the bloody floor?

Me: Uhhh, since I made it to the bed first *I give him a big smile*

Tom: Well, since you’re cute, I’ll let it go

Me: No I’m thinking you’re the cute one

Tom: Don’t get me started on you *laughs & snuggles up into his sleeping bag*

Me: *I throw my pillow down at him*

Tom: Ow! Hey?

Me: Thought you might need it

Tom: I’d say thanks but I’d rather hit you back, mate

Me: *I laugh then pull the covers up to my chest & look up at the ceiling* Night Tom

Tom: *puts his hands behind his head comfortably* Sleep tight

Me: *I flick off my lamp, leaving a little nightlight on* 

Tom: *sighs after a few seconds* You know, I can’t sleep knowing you’re only a few feet away 

Me: Same here

We become silent for a moment then I hear Tom get up.

Tom: I’m going to hit the loo before bed

Me: Okay. The loo’s the bathroom, right? 

Tom: *chuckles* Yes, very good

Me: *I smile* It’ll be the first door on the right 

Tom: Cheers *walks out of my room to find bathroom*

I turn away to face my window & try to fall asleep, but I feel restless. I hear the toilet flush then I hear my bedroom door close. I hear his footsteps coming closer in my direction & the bed begins to tilt to my right. I feel his hand on my shoulder. I turn to face him & I can see in the dim light, his face is serious for a moment then softens. I sit up in my bed & look at him; he puts his hand on my cheek then my chest. This time I make the first move by kissing him. 

Tom: *pulls back from the kiss* Now we don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for

Me: Oh, yeah, for sure

We get really into it and I’ve never felt happier. Maybe to others; just wrong, but for me it felt just right. He was about to remove my tank top & I let out a breath.

Me: What if someone hears?

Tom: No one will hear anything because we’re just good mates, remember?

Me: *I grin* Don’t let that stop you 

Saturday morning I wake up feeling groggy from a long night of…activities, eh hem. I stretch & look at the time; eleven in the morning. Then I look to my right & see Tom sleeping soundly. He looks so cute…and peaceful…and shirtless…and I’M shirtless…we’re in our boxers…and he’s IN my bed. Oh god, what if my mom peaked her head into the room to check on us for some reason?! Uh yeah mom we’re doing JUST FINE in here. Holy crap; I shake Tommy to wake him up; he opens his eyes & moans.

Tom: *yawns* Bloody hell. What’s going on?

Me: You’re in my bed, mate

Tom: Oh well look at that, I am *smirks & lies on his side to face me*

Me: *I look away to laugh. I poke his chest with my finger* You need to go back on the floor—where my mom thinks you are

Tom: Oye, do I have to? It’s so comfy up here *reaches across to touch my hand, & then slides it more ‘south of the border’*

Me: *I jump up & laugh* Tom!?

Tom: *covers his mouth playfully & laughs*

Mom: *knocks on my door* Boys, are you awake?

Me: *I practically shove Tom off my bed* Yeah, we’re up!

Mom: When you two are ready, I made some pancakes for your breakfast

Me: Awesome mom thanks! We’ll be down in a sec! *I cover my face with my hand & look down on the floor where Tom is*

Tom: Looks like I’m already down *looks up at me & gives me a silly look*

Me: *I hold in my laughter & reach my hand down to help him up but he pulls me down with him*

We joke around then throw on our T- shirts & head downstairs. During breakfast we steal little glances at each other while trying not to crack up.

Kev: *watching us & rolls his eyes* Ooookee, well I think I’m done with this *puts his plate in the sink & walks out of the room*

Mom: What was that about? *stabs her pancake with a fork & takes a bite*

Me: Not a clue *I bite my pancake off my fork & grin up at Tommy*

After we watched a few cartoons on the T.V. Tommy decided it was time for him to go home.

Me: I wish you didn’t have to leave *I walk him to the front door*

Tom: Too right, but home’s calling *smiles*

Me: *I open my front door for him* I’ll talk to you soon?

Tom: *nods his head & kisses me softly* See ya

Me: *I wave goodbye, then close the door & turn to see my mom staring at me from the kitchen. I stare at her for a moment* Heeey mom Mom…whatcha doin’?

Mom: *blinks a couple times at me* I could ask you the same thing, Ken *pauses for a second* Is there something you want to tell me about you and…Tommy? *walks over closer but cautiously*

Me: *I laugh nervously* What? OH, you mean that kiss? It’s just something the Aussie’s do…when saying…“bye”

Mom: *stares at me & folds her arms* Oh really?

Kevin: *overhearing everything & he tip-toes up the stairs*

Mom: Kendall, are you two…more than friends?

Me: Mom, can we not talk about this…now…or ever *I say the last part quietly*

Mom: *laughs in shock* Sweetie, you just kissed a boy. I just saw you do it

Me: He’s not just a boy

Mom: Whadya mean?

Me: He’s my boy—I mean—he’s my…boyfriend

Mom: *her eyes go wide* He’s gay—wait are YOU gay? 

Me: Oh yeah, it’s this new thing everyone’s trying out *I give her a sarcastic look*

Mom: So you’re gay?

Me: If that’s what you want to call it then YES mom, I’m gay! *I sigh* I’m sick of hiding it

Mom: *shakes her head* And I let him sleep in your ROOM last night—were you two taking advantage of me?

Me: No, never. We just enjoy each others company, like you and Rick—

Mom: Do not compare me and Rick…to you and—that friend of yours

Me: He has a name ya know? You two seemed to get along too? I don’t know why now he’s any different to you just cause he’s gay—like me?

Mom: And how are you gay now; since when? 

Me: *I just stare at her blankly*

Mom: *puts her hand to her forehead* I never thought in a million years that you could be…that

Me: “That,” isn’t so bad, mom. I actually feel more like myself lately

Mom: And that’s gay? *stares at me*

Me: SURE. But gay doesn’t define me. I’m still the same Kendall. Nothing else has changed

Mom: Honey, I just saw you kiss a boy

Me: Aaand?

Mom: AND, if you were in your right mind you’d know you don’t like boys. You like GIRLS. It’s always been that way

Me: Mom. Sorry…but no; just no. Maybe in YOUR world it’s that way, but for me I know who I am now…and I feel good about it. Why do you have to make me feel bad about this?

Mom: *inhales deeply* I need a minute or—five *walks away into the T.V. room*

Does she hate me? Did I do something wrong? Why is she acting this way?   
Kevin walks down the stairs cautiously towards me.

Me: She hates me *I shake my head*

Kev: She doesn’t hate you. It’s just going to take her some time to get used to this… ‘new’ you *puts his hand on my shoulder*

Me: Psh, like hell that’ll happen *I push past him & walk upstairs to my room*

Later that night, I play my guitar to relieve some stress. But it still doesn’t help my frustration towards my Mom. I sigh & continue to find the chords on my guitar to make a good song, but still nothing comes to mind. Maybe just a nice long nap will help.  
Now it’s finally Monday: After all the drama from the long weekend; I’ve become mentally exhausted from the whole ordeal. My mom still doesn’t know what to say or do around me—and I’m second-guessing everything; like, maybe how I shouldn’t have “chosen” to be gay— did I have a choice? Or was it my “fault?” Why am I blaming myself? I shouldn’t have to apologize for being who I AM.

Monday morning: I meet up with Logan & Ariana outside of our school & we walk inside together.

Ari: Where’s your new girlfriend, Loge?

L: Eh, it’s over

Me: But she was so…smiley

L: So it wasn’t just ME who noticed that? Cause it really started to freak me out

Ari: Honey, everybody’s noticed it—since like the 5th grade

L: For real?

A: Yes! *laughs*

L: Where have I been? *shakes his head & nudges my arm* Hey man, why so glum?

Me: Huh? Oh no, I’m fine, just a little tired

L: Long weekend?

Me: You have no idea *I give Ari a little look*

Ari: *widens her eyes* KENDALL, can you walk me to class?

L: Leaving already?

Ari: Yeah sorry, I just gotta do this thing…but I need Ken—see you later BYE *pulls on my arm & we go around the hall corner & she takes me by the vending machine* Okay, tell me what happened *folds her arms & gives me a second look when I don’t speak* Did something happen with you and Tommy?

Me: No—well, yeah, actually *I smile a little*

Ari: *raises her eyebrows* Spill

Me: Well that doesn’t matter now. The real problem is…my Mom

Ari: Whaaat about her? Is she okay?

Me: I…don’t know

Ari: You’re scaring me…

Me: She’s fine, but it’s just—she caught Tommy and me kissing 

Ari: Ooo… *covers her mouth quickly*

Me: MMM HM. And I’ll tell ya, she wasn’t thrilled one bit *I run my hand through my hair exa*

Ari: Well that’s awkward

Me: Yeah no shiz. And she’s hasn’t been able to look me in the eye since it happened *I take a deep breath*

Ari: I’m so sorry sweetie *fixes my collar on my shirt*

Me: Eh, it’ll all work out eventually. Maybe that’s just wishful thinking though

The bell rings for first period class.

Ari: *hugs me*

Me: Thanks *I smile weakly at her* Better get to class, chica

Ari: Will do, chico *giggles*

In first period I feel more distracted than ever. I look up at Drew & see that the swelling in his nose has settled down since we last interacted. He gave me a quick nod & I smile back at him. Luckily my crush on Drew has faded—most likely because I have a BOYFRIEND now, but there’s no rule that says I still can’t admire his attractiveness.

Later around last period, I feel really antsy so I take the hall pass from my classroom & pretend to need the bathroom while instead wonder around for a bit. I get a text from Tommy & he asks where I am now. I tell him the obvious, “I’m in school.” I shake my head confused but find it funny he asks anyways. He texts me back telling me to come towards the front lobby. I walk in that direction, and then see him standing there.

Me: Tommy?! *I playfully push his chest* What’re you doing here?! *I look around self consciously & lower my tone of voice*

Tom: *laughs* Thought I’d surprise ya *gives me one of his charming grins*

Me: *I give him a tight hug** Aren’t you supposed to be in school?

Tom: Aren’t you supposed to be in class?

Me: I asked you first *I poke his chest with my index finger*

Tom: My class got out early, so I thought I’d surprise ya *puts his hands around my waist*

Me: *I smile & lean into him, then frown & pull his hands off of my waist, slowly* Um…

Tom: What’s the matter?

Me: *I whisper* Nobody knows…

Tom: What?

Me: No one in my school knows about…you, me…the whole shebang 

Tom: *gives me a small smile* Well then, they don’t have to. Your secret’s safe with me

Me: It’s already safe with you. But thanks *I smile at him* OH but I gotta get back to class!

Tom: Fiiiine. But first *look around then pulls me close & kisses me*

Me: *I grin* Okay, okay! I gotta go! Meet me by my locker after the bell!

Tom: Alright! *waves*

Me: I’ll text you my locker number!

Tom: *laughs* Alright mate!

After last period ends I walk out to my locker, & see Tommy already waiting for me. But at the same moment I realize I’ve made a big mistake telling him to meet me here— because, before I knew it I heard someone yelling at me from down the hall.  
Alex: OH KENDAAAALL

Me: *I hide my face in my locker* Shit

Tom: What? *he smiles, not aware of the situation at all whatsoever* You know that bloke?

Me: *I mumble to Tommy* Tommy you should actually go, I don’t want—

Alex: *standing behind Tommy & me* Ooo and you’re not alone. Who’s your little friend?

Tom: *holds out his hand to shake Alex’s* Hello chap, I’m— 

Me: Tom, don’t *I pull his hand down*

Alex: AW, are you two holdin hands, and being two fags in a pod?

Tom: *raises his eyebrows, surprised* And who’s this wanker *looks Alex up & down*

Me: Just ignore him, Tom *I close my locker & grab Tommy’s wrist to pull him away* C’mon

Tom: *glaring at Alex*

Alex: Better go with your other half of the “fag” pod

Tom: With pleasure

Alex: I’m sure you do

Tom: ALRIGHT

Tommy shakes me off & tries to punch Alex in the face but misses & then Alex punches him hard in the cheek; drawing a crowd from everyone in the hall.

Me: LEAVE HIM ALONE! *I grab his shoulders from behind*

Alex: Oh you wanna be next? *shrugs me off & pushes me against the lockers*

Me: *I close my eyes from the pain I’m feeling from the lockers* 

Tom: Quit it, ya dill!

Alex: What’d you call me? *turns to Tommy, who’s on the floor*

Logan & Ariana come over to the scene.

Log: *yells at me*DUDE? You said you could handle this

Me: *I have no words & just wince in pain while looking over at Tommy helplessly*

Log: *looks over where I’m looking* TOMMY?

Ari: *shoves Alex* You stay away from them! *walks over to Tommy & crouches down by him on the floor* What’re you doing here?

Tom: *rubs his cheek with his hand* I’m guessing I came at a bad time?

Ari: *shakes her head* Let me help you up

L: *turns towards Alex* Dude what the hell’s your problem?!

Alex: WHAT?

L: *shoves Alex’s chest* That’s what

Alex: *shoves him back* I find it cute how cute you’re defending your faggy friends, Logey

L: Hey, careful what you’re saying, asshole!

Alex: Ooo, I’m so scared!

Me: *I bend down to touch Tommy’s cheek then I close my eyes & wince. I turn towards Alex & face him* I’d rather…I’d rather be a fag than have the whole school hate me, you jerk-off!

Alex: *widens his eyes & tries to come at me*

L: *holds Alex back* Stop this already!

A teacher in the hall finally sees the fight & decides to break up. Logan shoves Alex towards the teacher & they grab Alex’s arm & walk off with him, while lecturing him again about fighting. Our “audience” in the hall walks away & I give Tommy a weak grin. I walk over to them & give Tommy a long hug then gently touch his cheek where Alex hit him. I caress it without even thinking & then Ari nudges me.  
Ari: Ken *nods in the direction of Logan*

I look over at Logan who’s standing behind me & he has this bewildered look on his face. Everything happened so fast I forgot that when I told everyone I was gay…Logan was there too. 

Me: *I take a step closer to him* Loge…

L: So you are…gay?

Me: Logan, I should have—I was going to—

L: *raises his hands* I need to…go *walks away*

Me: Loge! Please… *I watch him disappear around the hall corner*

At my house, Kevin and I put Tommy on the couch & to the best of our ability “nursed him” back to health, so his parents wouldn’t see how badly he got hurt today. My mom is upstairs in her room, while Tommy and I are sitting alone now on the couch.

Me: God Tommy. I’m so sorry bout all this

Tom: I told you no worries

Me: It’s my fault though. I just wasn’t thinking when I asked you to meet—

Tom: IT’S ALL-RIGHT

Me: Okay *I say sheepishly* But your poor cheek *I put my hand on his face*

Tom: Oh I’ll live *smiles* You know, that was a really brave thing you did today

Me: I know *I sigh* I hope no one hates me cause of it

Tom: *puts his hand on my knee* I know I don’t

We kissed, & then decide it’s time for him to get back home. When I open the front door for him to leave, Logan, at the same time is getting out of his car in my drive way. Tom walks past him & they smile lightly at each other. Logan pats Tom’s shoulder gently then walks over to me with his hands in his pockets & a cautious look on his face.

L: Can I come in?

Me: *I say quickly* Yeah, sure *I let him pass by me & I close my front door*

We walk into my T.V. room & sit down on the couch together, & say nothing for a few seconds.

L: *sighs loudly* Sooo…how long have you liked dudes?

Me: *I shrug* I dunno…I’ve felt this way for a while I guess…

L: Man…I wish you just told me, Ken. Instead of finding it out today—like that

Me: I know I’m sorry. I was going to tell you…I just didn’t know how to start that type of conversation. 

L: *gives me a light smile* Well you’re doing fine so far

Me: *I let out a little laugh* You know…there’s nothing different about me? I’m still…me

L: Cept the fact you dig dudes?

Me: Well…yeah

L: I don’t mean that in a bad way, by the way

Me: I know *I say a little sadly*

My mom walks down the stairs & into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

L: *looks down at his feet then looks up & cracks a side smile* Listen, you know you’re my best friend; we’re brothers for life. And I’ll still like you no matter who you like *pats my arm*

Me: *I take a deep breath* You don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that 

L: *stands up* Come in for a hug my brother

Me: Fiiine *I roll my eyes jokingly & stand up to hug him*

L: *ends the hug* So uh, we should all hang out again

Me: Really?  
L: Well, it’s not like I hate the dude; which I don’t at all. And maaaybe if you told me all this sooner and in private—and not so publicly—things would have played out a whole lot smoother

Me: Aaand I realize that now *we laugh* Sorry bout all this craziness 

L: *smirks* It’s alright, man. We’re good *nods his head towards the front door*   
I should get home for dinner. I just…wanted to come by and make sure we were cool

Me: We’re always cool 

L: Right *lets out a laugh of relief* Well uh, I guess I should get going

Me: Yeah, don’t be late for your dinner *I open my front door*

L: Later bro *punches my shoulder gently*

I laugh back & close the door after he leaves. I catch my Mom watching us from the kitchen; I give her a small smile & go back into the T.V. room.  
Later after dinner, I’m sitting on my bed playing guitar & I see Kevin walk by.

Me: Hey Kev!

Kev: *walks back to my door* Whaaat up?

Me: *I place my guitar down* Thanks for helping me with Tommy today

Kev: Oh, yeah sure bro—and so you this jerkwad…you never got to punch him back?

Me: *I walk towards him* Well I was sort of in shock over the whole thing—and ALSO, you were supposed to teach me how to do that, remember? 

Kev: Crap! I knew I forgot something! *shakes his head* 

Me: It’s fine. But we could start now if ya want? *I pull him over to my bed & wrestle him*

Kev: Hey, whoa, not cool bro; I wasn’t even ready!

Me: *I laugh* Expect the unexpected!

Kev: *gets me into a headlock* NICE TRY

Me: Ow, ow, okay not fair! *I try to push him away*

We wrestle for a few minutes, & then we hear someone laughing at us.

Mom: Ah, just like the old days

Kev: Yeah, cause even then I could kick his butt! *wrestles me some more*

Mom: *shakes her head & laughs* Kevin honey, I’d like to speak to Kendall alone for a minute or two

Kev: Yeah sure momma *releases his grip on me* We’ll finish this later *points his finger & gives me a dramatic glare *

Me: Oh, it is so on

Kev: *nods then closes my door on his way out*

Mom: *sits down on my bed & pats the space next to her*

Me: *I give her a wary look then sit down next to her*

Mom: *pats my leg* Sweetie, we can’t be like this forever

Me: Be like what? 

Mom: This whole avoiding and having continuous resentment towards each other. You’re my son, and I should love you, gay, straight, poke -a –dots, whatever you want to be

Me: Mom, it’s who I am

Mom: *nods her head* Right *she hugs me* 

Me: What made you wanna fix things?

Mom: *shrugs* Change of heart. Oh and I may have overheard you and Logan earlier

Me: *I let out a weak laugh*

Mom: I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. It was just a real…surprise

Me: You don’t have to apologize. I knew you’d come around eventually. Thanks for still loving me the same way

Mom: Oh sweetie, I’ll always love you no matter what *puts her arm around me & gives me a little side hug* Can you do me one thing?

Me: *I nod my head* Sure

Mom: Don’t change one bit

Me: That won’t be problem *I smile at her* 

As the months pass by quickly, Prom is JUST around the corner & then graduation isn’t too far after that!   
It’s a Friday evening—also Tommy’s birthday—and I invite my friends over along with the birthday boy himself. We’re all sitting on the couch together watching T.V. I feel like talking to Tommy about Prom so I pull him into the kitchen, by his hand.

Tom: Everything alright?

Me: Uh, yeah. It’s just…Prom’s coming around the corner and…

Tom: *intertwines his fingers with mine* …You’re still not sure if we should go?

Me: *I look at our hands* I have no idea what we should do

Tom: Maybe we should go? To prove a point

Me: What point?

Tom: Oh I dunno, maybe the fact that we’re lovers and if anyone has a problem, then they can bug off *smiles & gives me a charming look*

Me: *I give him an excited look* We should go, right? 

Tom: I think so!

Me: Alright. Let’s do it!

Tom: Well alright! *he hugs me & we get all giddy with laughter*

Ariana & Logan hear our excitement & they walk into the kitchen.

Ari: *grins* What’s goin on in here?

L: *follows in after Ariana* Did someone propose in here?

Tom: *laughs* Not quite

Me: *I laugh* Tommy and I are officially going to Prom together!

L: Dude that’s awesome! 

Tom: Yeah we’ll show them *bumps my hip with his own*

Me: *I laugh & turn to Ari* Were you and Drew still going?

Ari: Nah, he kind of… moved on

Me: Oh, sorry bout that *I pat her arm*

Ari: *shrugs* Its okay

Kevin: *walks into the kitchen to eat some more cake*

Me: *I give Kevin an un-amused look*

Tom: *taps Ari’s wrist* Hey, I bet you I could find you a date

Ari: *reaches out dramatically & grabs his shoulders* COULD YOU REALLY? 

Tom: YES 

Ari: *lets go of his shoulders* Not that I’m desperate

L: Oh not at all *chuckles*

Kev: *walks by her & acts all snarky* Obviously

Ari: *slaps his arm a couple times* 

Kev: Ow girl, watch it *walks out of the room*

L: *shakes his head* When is he not a dick?

Tom: *laughs*

Ari: Is that a trick question?

Me: *I crack up at them*

L: Yo, I’m thinking of bringing Mandy

Me: Smiley Mandy?

L: Yeah

Me: Uuuh? *I tilt my head to the side*

L: What? She was cool. And I’m running out of time to find a date!

Me: *I put my hand on his shoulder* Whatever you say bro

Ari: Yeah, she was…nice

L: GOOD, cause I’m gonna bring her

Tom: And we’ll support you on that, mate *winks at me & Ariana*

L: Thanks bud! *messes up Tom’s hair with his hand*

Tom: *whines at Logan & fixes his hair*

Later, after Ariana & Logan leave, I bring Tommy upstairs. I hold his hand & tell him to close his eyes as I guide him up the stairs to my room.

Tom: Can I open my eyes yet?

Me: Yup

Tom: Okay. It’s…your room?

Me: And we have it all to ourselves

Tom: *laughs & hits my arm* This is my surprise?

Me: YUP! Well, part of it. But I also wrote you a song

Tom: *blinks a couple times* Really?

Me: Really *I grin* Come on, sit 

Tom: Alright, alright *sits down on my bed*

Me: *I grab my guitar*

Tom: Is there a certain way I should sit?

Me: *I shrug* Whatever way’s most comfortable for ya

Tom: *excitedly crosses his legs into a pretzel on my bed*

Me: *I find my guitar & walk over to Tommy & stand in front of him* This song is for you, Tommy. Cause you mean the world to me, and I wouldn’t wanna be with anyone else. This song is called ‘You that I love.” *I laugh nervously*

Tommy catches his breath & puts his hands into his lap as I start to play the guitar and sing the First Verse: “When I saw you, I knew it. When I kissed you, I felt it. I never thought anything would feel so right…but that moment with you. I can’t believe, can’t hide it, I like you, I mean it. All these words I sing are true.” I smile at him then sing the Chorus: “I can’t believe I found my one. When he smiles my whole body goes numb. And there’s no one else in this world that I’d rather be with now. It’s you…that I love…oooh.” I play a couple more verses then end the song and smile at him, seeing tears in his eyes.

Me: I love you Tommy

Tom: *stands up & hugs me close & whispers into my ear* Back atcha, mate

Me: *I start to tear up myself* I think we both know by now, that I’m just a wee bit more than your mate these days

Tom: *lets out a small laugh & fixes my hair* Looks like I’m going to have to think of something even BIGGER for YOUR birthday, huh?

Me: Oh stop it. You don’t have to do thaaat *I act bashful* Trust me, you being here is all I need

Tom: I can’t believe you *smirks & pats my chest still all giddy from my song* 

We laugh then someone knocks at my door.

Me: Uuuh, come in?

Mom: Hi boys *waves at us* Tom, I got you a little something for your birthday

Tom: You did? *looks at me with a grin*

Mom: Here *hands him a small grey velvet box* Go ahead, open it

Tom: *opens the box & pulls out a ‘silver peace sign’ necklace & looks at my mom* Thanks Miss *hugs my mom*

Mom: I think peace is something that we all need a little more of in this world

Me: *I smile at her* Agreed

Tom: You didn’t have to buy me this beautiful—

Mom: Oh no, but I wanted to *pokes his nose then walks towards my door* Anyways, you two be good. I’m off to bed. Have a nice rest of the night *waves at us then goes to her room*

Me: *I laugh at her then turn to Tommy* Want me to help you put it on?

Tom: Sure

Kevin: *overhears us & pokes his head in*

Me: *I click the necklace in place around his neck, then I whip my head around* So…do you think our families can meet yet? Cause we have been going out for a while and stuff…

Tom: *gives me a nervous look*

Me: And you keep putting it off…

Tom: And there’s a reason why. It’s not you…it’s my parents. They aren’t exactly comfortable with the fact that I’m gay

Me: You mean being yourself? 

Tom: *tilts his head at me annoyed* It’s complicated *sits on the edge of my bed*

Me: *I sit down next to him* Don’t you want to try and make it un-complicated? I mean, my Mom finally came around. I’m sure your parents will *I put my arm around him & rub his arm gently*

Tom: *looks at my hand on his arm* Mate, if I try anymore they may kick me out of my own house

Me: Well we can’t have that happen. Why would they do that? And to their own son? I don’t believe it

Tom: Lately, they’ve been ignoring me and just plain not wanting to have anything to do with me. It’s been more than 2 years since I came out and they still won’t accept me for who I am now and probably have always been *sighs after speaking so quickly*

Me: I accept you. Don’t worry; they’ll come around some day. I mean they just HAVE to. You’re amazing

Tommy turns to me & gently grabs the back of my head—knowing it makes me weak in the knees. I look at him with caring eyes to let him know everything will be okay.

Tom: Come here *pulls me in for a kiss*

I smile at him & we sit in silence for a few peaceful minutes—then decide to kiss some more & enjoy the rest of the evening together.

It’s now Monday, a.k.a. the last week of school. Prom is this Saturday, and Graduation is next Monday. Also, ever since that day I stood up to Alex, all he does now is glare at me from afar.   
After first period ends, Drew greets me from behind, by grabbing my shoulders & shaking me a little.

Drew: Hey buddy! 

Me: Aye, long time no talk

Drew: Dude right? But hey, I heard about the fight you had with Alex. Sorry I wasn’t there to help you out. Had an earlier soccer practice

Me: No its fine, really. I handled it

Drew: Yeah I heard. OH and I think it’s chill that you’re gay. I mean, you don’t seem different in anyway, so that’s cool

Me: Thanks? *I laugh a little* I guess news travels fast round here

Drew: So true my friend

Me: Yeeeah *I shake my head*

Drew: *rubs his hands together* So uh, it’s like cool if I go out with Alison then, right?

Me: *I let out a snort-laugh* Go for it, man

Drew: Sweet dude! Okay imma go see her now, but I’ll talk to ya later! *rushes away*

Me: See ya!!

I laugh at him then turn to start walking towards my second period class, but in the process almost run into Alex. 

Me: Oh…sorry

Alex: *gives me a long stare while I walk past him* Hey, Kendall 

Me: *I keep walking*

Alex: KENDALL *follows me* 

Me: What do you want? *I don’t look at him while I continue walking*

Alex: Listen, hear me out *stands in front of to block me*  
-  
Me: *I stop walking & hold onto my backpack strap feeling annoyed* Yes?

Alex: *clears his throat* I’m sorry, alright? For everything; I didn’t mean it all

Me: Uh, I’m pretty ya did

Alex: Okay, in that moment maybe I did. But if I could…I’d take it back. All the crap I put you through this past year

Me: *I give him a slow look* You’re being serious right now, aren’t you?

Alex: *whisper tone* Being in therapy and an anger management group can make you say things like this—and mean it

Me: *I stare at him*

Alex: Also, it wasn’t fun anymore when the person you’re trying to beat up suddenly has a backbone *smirks*

Me: *I smile a little then frown* It’s not “fun” to do that to people in the first place

Alex: Yeah, I understand that more now

Me: Well good

Alex: *takes a deep breath* I just…wanted to leave off on a good note

Me: Of course. And what about all those other people you’ve tormented?

Alex: I’ve talked to some of them. But most of them kind of—ran away before I even got the chance to tell them about my therapy and stuff

Me: *I nod my head* I’m glad you at least tried

Alex: *shrugs* Yeah, whatever

Me: And about the whole “Angela drama” thing we’ve had—I didn’t know you liked her when I went out with her last year. I don’t do crappy things like that on purpose, so…

Alex: Dude, you don’t have to worry about that now. You’re gay, remember?

Me: *I look down at the ground & laugh* Right

The bell rings for second period class.

Alex: I’ll see you round?

Me: Uh yeah, see ya round *I give him a little wave*

Before I knew it, the week breezed by & it was already Saturday, which also meant Prom-day. Tommy and I decided to be color coordinated in our tuxes; black and pink. Saturday evening, Tommy & I are getting ready in the downstairs bathroom and my mom peeks in on us.

Mom: OH you two look so adorable! I gotta find my camera!

Me: Mooom

Tom: *chuckles & fixes my hair*

Rick: *sitting at the kitchen table, eating a bag of chips & yells to us* So where’s your dates?

We walk into the kitchen with blank stares.

Me: Uh, mooom?

Mom: *runs back over to us with her camera* Right here honey, no worries!

Me: Mom

Mom: Hold on, Ken. Tom, get in the picture with him

Tom: But Miss—

Mom: Come on now

Tom & I roll our eyes but pose for the picture with forced smiles & keep our distance.

Mom: Not quite the picture I was looking for, but it’ll do—

Me: MOM

Mom: What, dear?

Me: Does Rick know about our…situation?

Mom: Your situation—? 

Me: *I nod my head at Tommy*

Tom: *waves at my Mom*

Mom: OH, ooooh *whispers to me* Shoot! I haven’t told him yet

Rick: *crunches on his chips & overhears us* Tell me what?

My mom & I turn towards him with guilty looks.

Mom: You want to tell him?

Me: *I give her a “yeah right,” look*

Tom: I’LL tell him *walks over to Rick* 

Rick: *eyes widen* What?

Tom: Sir, I’m Kendall’s date—and boyfriend

Me: *I gain some confidence & lock my arm around Tommy’s arm* Yeah. He’s ma date. And uh, I’m his

Rick: *blinks a couple times, then looks at my Mom* Aaand you weren’t going to tell me this?

Mom: No, I mean I was. Eventually

Rick: Was, um eventually ever going to be sooner than NOW?

Mom: *puts her hand on Rick’s shoulder* Rick, sweetie, you don’t need to get so angry—

Rick: I thought we weren’t gonna keep things from each other? How long have you known about this?? 

Mom: I wasn’t keeping it from you; the subject just never came around. I didn’t think it’d be a big deal

Rick: Not a big deal? *stands up* You must be high. You both, two *points at me & Tommy*

Mom: Excuse me?

Rick: Your son’s a fruit!

Mom: RICK. You’re being so— *stops talking & puts her hand up at Rick* You know what. I think you should leave

Tommy and I just stand next to each other silently while watching them.

Rick: Leave?

Mom: *crosses her arms*

Rick: Fine. I’ll leave. And maybe I just won’t come back *walks towards the front door* Freaks

Me: Yeah well no one will miss you, asshole!

Mom: *widens her eyes at me*

Rick: *scowls at me & curses, then opens the front door & stomps out*

Mom: *slams the door shut & stands by it with her hand on it*

Me: *I walk over to her* Mom…I’m so sorry 

Mom: *shakes her head* Any guy who won’t accept my son, has no purpose to be in my life *holds in her tears* I think I need to be alone now for a bit—but you two have a nice time tonight, okay? *fixes her hair & smiles at us, then slowly walks up the stairs to her room*

Me: *I sadly watch her* 

Tom: *puts his hand on my shoulder & says into my ear* Come on, mate. The Prom’s waiting, and so are our friends

Me: Right. Nothing can ruin this night

Tom: That’s the spirit! And I’ll drive us *pulls his keys out from his pocket* 

Me: Oh you gentlemen

Tom: *laughs then opens my front door* After you

Me: *I walk past him* SOOO gentlemanly

Tom: *laughs & slaps me on the butt* Move it!

Me: Ah! Easy

Tom: *laughs & closes the front door*

We arrive at The Crowne Plaza where the Prom is being held, and the place looks so beautiful! The Prom Committee really went all out; there’s lit up stars dangling from the ceiling, and white Christmas lights hung & draped everywhere—which gave the Prom a dream-like atmosphere. Tom & I look at each other with excitement. We eventually find Ariana & Logan, along with their dates. I bump fists with Logan.

Ari: You guys look great! 

Me: So do you! *I look at her date & smile* You must be Julian?

Julian: You’d be correct

Me: I’m Kendall *I shake his hand*

Julin: Nice to meet you

Me: You to

Julian has a nice English accent. How charming. And he’s a looker alright; THAT’S for sure.

Tom: *grins & pats his friend on the arm* Fancy seeing you here, mate *laughs*

Julian: Seems like a pretty chill place

Tom: SO chill *grins at his friend*

Me: *I chuckle at them*

Mandy: Hi Kendall!

Me: *she startles me a little* Oh look it’s Mandy, everyone

Logan: *wraps an arm around her waist to pull her close* 

Mandy: Doesn’t this place look AMAZE-ING?

Me: *I try to sound as enthusiastic as she is* It does! And so do you

Mandy: AWWW THANKS. So do you and your cute friend

Me: BOY-friend, actually *I smile at Tom*

Mandy: Really? O-M-G, that’s so fab!

Logan: I think its fab too! *says enthusiastically*

Me: *I give him a funny look & laugh* Appreciate the support, bud

Log: NO PROB, BRO *punches my arm jokily*

Drew and I see/acknowledge each other’s existence every once in a while during the night. I notice his date is Alison—my date for the V-day Carnival. Little awkward, but I’m happy for them. Finally, a slow song comes on & more people get onto the dance floor with their dates. Julian & Ariana seem to be hitting it off quickly. They look like they could be a legit couple. And then there’s Logan and Mandy…he really does seem to like her a lot. Tommy takes me out of thoughts, by gently grabbing my hand. I take a deep breath, waiting to see if anyone would notice us going to dance, but after a while, I was so caught up in the moment, I forgot to care if anyone was even watching us. And school was pretty much over—with Graduation left, though. So I guess everyone feels free in a sense tonight; with no worries. After our slow dance the music gets fun and upbeat again.

Tom: I love this song! 

Me: *I yell over the loud music* Backstreet boys?! 

Tom: *nods his head & dances to the song*  
Me: Okay now you’re being the dag

Tom: *puts his hand on his chest & gasps loudly*

Me: *I laugh at him & join in dancing with him*

Julian: *twirls Ari around by her hand & pulls her close* So are you a fan of me, still?

Ari: *giggles & pokes his chest* I was a fan even before you spoke with that cute accent of yours

Julian: *laughs* Funny, I felt the same about you

Ari: *shakes her head & blushes*

Logan: You know, you look really beautiful tonight, babe

Mandy: Aw, well so do you hon. *fixes his bow tie*

Later, a fun dance song comes on & we all dance silly with each other. After that, we all take a break & sit together at a table & goof off. Logan & Mandy go back to dancing, while the rest of us still sit & talk.

Finally, the night ends & we all say our goodbyes, ready to see each other at Graduation—which is in a couple of days. Tom & I hold hands while walking out of the Plaza. It seems like most people have gone home. We go under one of the big oak trees together.

Me: *I turn my head to look at him* Hey, that’s a nice necklace you got there

Tom: Oh this knickknack? Yeah some bloke gave it to me. He was mad cute. Maybe I should call him, huh?

I shake my head & laugh at him, while giving him a playful push on his chest. He pushes me back, playfully.

Me: Hey, so you’ll be able to come to Graduation, Monday, right?

Tom: Of course!! 

Me: *I smile* And I promise won’t miss yours! Which is…when again?

Tom: *snorts* Wednesday, ya dag *tickles my side*

Me: Ah, hey! *I try to dodge his tickle- attacks* Is that all I am to you; a dag? *I give him a sarcastic look*

Tom: *he laughs & pulls me in for a long kiss* You ready for me to take you home?

Me: Yup. I just need to find my ride *I look around at the parking lot*

Tom: *hits my arm* 

Me: *I laugh & we decide to race to his car*

It’s now Monday: Graduation day! I finally get to move on & really live my life, and find out what I want to do with it. All of us “almost” Graduates’ are sitting outside in our chairs together, waiting for our names to be called to the stage. Drew’s sitting in front of me & I tap his shoulder.

Drew: *turns around & sees me* Hey dude! We’re finally graduating! WOOO! *gives me a high-five*

Me: TOOK us long enough!!

Drew: Bro right? I can’t wait to get outta this crazy place

Me: I second that

Drew: *pauses before speaking* Hey, you and your friend are still together, right?

Me: Yep. He’s here today, actually. Somewhere *I look around in the crowded audience behind us*

Drew: That’s nice. You two stay strong, alright?

Me: *I give him a warm smile* Thanks. And we will. By the way how are you and Alison?

Drew: Uh yeah—I broke it off. All she really wants to do is make out, like you said

Me: And you’re the straight one? *I crack a smile*

Drew: Dude I need oxygen and the crazy girl won’t give me 5 minutes of it!

Me: I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM*I laugh & cover my face with my hand* I’m gonna miss you, Drew

Drew: Aw don’t get all mushy on my account. We’ll still talk, for sure

We bump fists & he turns back around to listen to people’s names being called to the stage. I get a text from Ariana, telling me that she & Julian have been texting since the Prom. How awesome is that? And then I get another from Logan telling me how excited he is to graduate finally. He’s sitting further up from me near Ariana. I really am gonna miss seeing my friends’ everyday. When it’s my turn to go up for my diploma I smile at people who are clapping in the audience and I finally spot Tommy—the one who’s yelling the loudest—and I try my best not to blush in front of everyone. Once everyone got their diplomas, Principal Crowie congratulated us, & then we all threw our graduation hats into the air all excitedly. Good bye high school & hello to the real world!

 

THE END


End file.
